January 2010
4 posts
i miss you mom. please teach me how to be strong, i really love her from the bottom of my heart.
“Promise yourself to be strong, that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look...”
– -eletheowl
Never thought about it before, Let’s try and see (:
Me and my itchy hand and brain so not ready for the consequences. Curiosity leads up to anger and jealousy. The kind of sensation where you totally can’t accept the facts that’s been revealed slowly over time. I wish I could just simply forget them.
You have been trying your best to convince and make me happy. I could always see that in your eyes nowadays, how lovely. I am never...
Back to you, it always comes around. Yes, it moves in circles. Stop being a loser by having a narrow minded mind.
I have not tried my best yet, and of course I will never know if I stop here. She fixed me. She fixed the broken little wire in my brain. Thank you , love. Thank you for your patience, support and beliefs in me. I love you.
P.S: you will never fail till you stop trying. Everything...
December 2009
8 posts
One, two One, two, three, four Give me more...
merry christmas ...
Day after day, time pass away. They come and go just to leave memories in our daily lives. I’m flicking through a little book of my memories and recap. I guess what she said was right, why can’t I just be grateful of what I have now and appreciate them as gifts in my life. I guess my heart was fogged by the past and it makes my vision unclear. I couldn’t see the real thing, the...
i can never show you how much i love you. no words could ever described how much you meant to me. we fight, we kiss. we’ll be okay in hours. Neither you nor I am can bear the feeling of losing each other’s heart. the feeling of not hearing each other’s voice in a day. the feeling of missing each other’s presence. I guess we are in love. All the arguments and quarrels, I...
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF!! PLEASE GET THE HELL OUT OF MY MIND! FUCK OFF!!!!!!
where's the better part of me?
another one, a secret has revealed. I just can’t help the feeling knowing the truth. God please help me! Give me the strength to face all the facts of our past. I love her, I swear I do. but my itchy hand and brain seem to be out of my control. help me to think positively, guide me out of this darkest tunnel in my life, show me a better future. please illuminate the better part of me.
P.S:...
regret will never comes first, it always comes...
stabbed, not to death but just coma. I was almost dead. You saved me and brighten up my days again. How many times? I can’t remember. I feel like a loser, a complete loser. stupid, idiot, dumb, brainless. I’ve got nothing to be proud of. Yes, I am the man who can’t see the truths and lies. I am the man with the polystyrene heart. but do remember, i still have senses in helping me...
I really don’t know where to start, but I will still try to let it out. Things are just get better between us. Of course, the arguments and quarrels, they are the obstacles. Despite of being sad for all the matters, I would rather look at a glass half full instead. It’s hard, but it works. Guess what of a thought I had? all the argues and quarrels, we gonna miss them someday, someday...
November 2009
5 posts
i.love.you
He can’t sleep, thinking what he’s feeling now. He can’t sleep because he’s falling in love even deeper than before. The reality is so much better than dreams, oh no. He DOES NOT WANT TO SLEEP but to keep an eye on her chaste little eyes.
They are reconstructing it all again. The unpleasant sensations of the past were less poignant now and guess what’s the best part?...
we are reconstructing everything up again. pardon me while my emotion takes over the other side of roey. but please promise me that you will always by side no matter what my condition is, k? (:
I’m jealous. I have to say I’m jealous. It might be a small little thing for you, but it’s something to me. Facebook is the only fucked up social-network I ever had. not because of its...
why God? why? why do you have to let us feel all this things? why? please tell me the the reason. It’s been a long time I never cried like what I’m doing now. Love, efforts, tears, all seem to be meaningless now. She tried her best to convince me and I realized that. Just about the time to reconstruct everything again, but why do you have to ruin it all again? WHY?!!! Where is the...
October 2009
8 posts
why?
I chose to be this way and I shall not let all this matters bring me down. not again. no more tears ok. I hate to be this roy, physically and mentally weak.This fucking idiotic guy, he simply doesn’t know what he’s doing. No one knows why, including himself. God, please guide him.
how can i build my trust on you now? We were almost there, we were almost there. We are going slower now...
when love and hate collide
She and her anger. She was totally desolated by his words, his heartless words. She couldn’t hold back any longer, she cried. It was a nightmare for her, I believe it was a nightmare. She went to his house when the clock showed 2.15 a.m. Shocking but remarkably. They quarreled and argued in the endless night. He couldn’t think for any explanations but to mumble.
All changed in hours,...
Where I go I just don’t know..
he and his cracked heart are too fragile
he and his damaged trust have been disabled to discern black and white
words are covering the truth
should I go back to start and say hello?
should I choose water over wine?
I am afraid.
PS: Again, ask yourself and think about it very carefully because somehow, I could feel your love to him.
Listen
Listen
us for the past
When you love someone, You give your whole self to them. And when that someone you love breaks your trust, It is a slap in the face.
I’ve received enough disappointments. The way you treated me in the past shows a very clear vision of how much I meant to you. All my thoughts came true and I have nothing to say now but to feel sorry. You have a new life with new beginning, why can’t...
I don’t wish to have a life like this. I don’t wish to be your useless son. I don’t need your fucking money to live. I need not everything but my mom. so fuck you for blaming her. why can’t you just blame me? why can’t you just blame yourself? why do you have to blame her? fuck you and your orthodox mindset.
I’m sorry for letting you down.
I’m sorry for...
Hey, you.
I don’t really know why do you have to talk to me, again. I don’t really know what is your motive. I don’t really know how you feel towards me right now. It’s not easy for me to let you go and I’m trying my very best to set you free and be happy with someone else as I’m not the one you’ve been looking for, your love isn’t for me to feel.
I’m...
September 2009
15 posts
It has come to an end.
Your facebook has shown me everything. Enough for me to know the truth.
I have nothing to say as I don’t know what to say. I just want to say goodbye to tumblr. Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening all my fucked up feelings story. I think it’s time to let her go. It’s time to let her feel how to love and be loved. I’m really sorry if I could never make you...
Our hearts are too far away.
“I feel like you are locking me up”, she said. My heart is crying, screaming saying WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU? I never felt like this before, I feel like a complete loser. I lost for words, my heart is numb. I don’t believe love existence now. Actions and words are too deceiving for love. I wonder where did I go wrong. me? locking you up? I tried my best to give my best love...
Sedikit waktu yang kau miliki Luangkanlah untukku...
11.00 pm, I take a look at my phone and I see no calls and messages from her, how disappointed; it’s been two days. My mind, my heart, my love all start to wonder. My thoughts, fear, again start to circulate in my head. Why are you doing this to me? Who am I in your eyes? A piece of paper for you to write notes and throw it away when you have finished using it? I’m trying my best...
Just a day, oh.. maybe less than 24 hours. I do hate Jakarta to a certain extent. That’s the only city that could make your life turn 180”. fucking sad. I knew this would happen, I knew it.
I TOLD YOU ROEY, I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!! SHE CHANGED WITHIN A DAY, A GOOD NEWS FOR YOU RIGHT? HAHAHA..EAT MY SHIT! GO CRY NOW GO CRY.. GO SMOKE GO SMOKE TO DEATH! HAHAHAHAHAHA..SHE JUST...
Life is wrong without her. I swear. WHY, WHAT, HOW questions are becoming meaningless for me now as where I go I just don’t know. I’m walking blindly through the night, soulless. I try to embrace every single moment I have but I simply couldn’t.
I look at my phone; waiting for your call and messages..
I look at my watch; time seems meaningless..
I look at people surround me; I...
I'm going to miss you.
Another day is gone and here the day has finally come for you to finally feel free after all the stressing time you had for the past few days. I don’t know whether I have to feel happy or otherwise. Sigh, it’s just like my previous post. Scared, worried, confused all mixed in one. Two weeks, I won’t be able to see you. 14 days, I won’t be able to hold your hands. 336 hours,...
About a girl
Hey tumblr, I wanted to blog since few days ago but I couldn’t ):
My life’s pretty good now but not for hers, I suppose? I don’t know what am I suppose to do to help her now. I totally feel as if I’m the most useless boyfriend on Earth. Should I use the word boyfriend? zzz.. whatever you call that thing is.
I don’t really know about her past life and I don’t...
1.27am, I was asleep for two hours and received no messages from her. Disappointing, disappointed. I fell down at my block’s lift. Dizzy, light-headed, headache. My dad carried me home. I’m so fucking pissed about my body, just weak. More and more funny sickness I get as I grow older. all nonsense. I told Fandra about what I felt and she got no responds. cannot blame, stupid story....
Time flies. Sunday, 13 September 2009. A lonely day. My father’s friend came over to my house just to take care of me. sigh. She’ll be here for few days, I suppose? hmm.. Yesterday I had a lovely Saturday at my workplace. My shift is 3 - 11 and guess what? I work, as in really work, just for 4 hours. The remaining hours, I spent them by doing nothing. My supervisor asked me to return...
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. YOU’RE A FUCKING CUNT, ROEY! LOSER COCK! HAHAHAHAHAHA.. I AM LOL-ing NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHA..EAT THAT SHIT YOU SAW ON FACEBOOK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. I AM REALLY SCREAMING MY LUNGS OUT NOW! HAHAHAHAHA..
it’s okay, I’m smiling through the pain.
I am confused. I am worried. I am scared. Irritating feeling. 22 days to go and I don’t know how am I going to fill up the emptiness in my life when she’s gone. She’ll be away, 902.81 km away from me. not that far? just an hour journey by plane? think again..I won’t see her for 2 weeks and that’s enough to make me feel just worthless. stupid? I don’t know,...
hey tumblr, it’s been awhile, isn’t it? you are not sick listening my sick-sad love story, are you? (:
I went to meet my secondary school friends, supposed to go to clinic due to the gastric problem I had yesterday. just pain. My friends told me gastric can be easily taken care and seeing a doctor will just waste my money. so, instead of going clinic, we had our lunch together, talked...
work? nothing special about it, I’m getting used to it now. I think all jobs have something in common; need to love.
Supposed to meet her after I finished work, but the plan changed due to some reasons. It’s okay. It’s not okay actually. Another disappointment. I’ve planned to watch movie with her since few days ago. I just don’t really like to face the...
7.41am, I just woke up and my dad still sleeping peacefully inside our bedroom. He asked me to sleep with him, what a weird feeling. I had a chalet yesterday and by right, I should have stayed over if my dad didn’t come back from work. I thought by going home, I could have enough sleep for myself to work as awareness is needed for a cashier but in fact, i couldn’t sleep last night )):
...
August 2009
14 posts
To see you when I wake up is a gift I...
insanity it seems, but I really love it my dear (:
haaaaaaaaa..today (30/08/09) would be the best day ever in august, i swear. I had a thought that August would be the worst month ever in 2009, but I think it’s the opposite now. We have already broke up and yet like I said on the previous post, now we are still doing the same thing as what we used to do. I have already started my work two days ago, and I swear if it’s not because her,...
Fandra, that was the first thing came to my mind after I woke up. I saw my phone and she didn’t text me. I slept around 3 plus, as … standard, gastric. I have some kind of serious problem with my tummy since last year? I had gastric from a very long time ago, but never been serious. I swear, I never ate any medicines in the past as it turned back to normal again after a few minutes. I...
I’ve found a new friend other than cigarettes, tumblr. These two have becoming my good friends, I suppose. haha.It’s okay, I know I’m going crazy. but yes, thank you. You guys are always be there when I’m feeling blue. I have no one in my house to distract me from my life issues, so please be understanding (: Now I know why people like to blog; when you have no one to talk...
I went for interview, and that’s it. I got the job and I’m going to start work this coming saturday from 3 - 11. nothing special.
I went to meet Fandra after she finished her work. For god sake, I feel soooooooooooooooo fucking happy, I swear. I miss her so much, I miss to hold her hands, hug her, kiss her..everything. I tried mybest not to show her how much I miss her and fight...
Remember this song? Still remember how you move...
I hate this feeling. Seriously, it’s raining outside, just like how I feel right now. Cold yet boiled with anger. I don’t know why my life is so fucked up. I simply don’t know why. I can get almost everything I want except for one thing. Her 100% love.
Life is hard, and I bet everyone knows that. Maybe my situation and condition now is not as fucked up as those nomads and I know...
FUCK MY LIFE PLEASE!
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Sebuah melodi cinta,
Ku tak mengerti akan semua ini..
Segala sesuatunya sungguh sulit tuk dimengerti..
Akankah kau akan tetap menanti saat hari terus berganti?
Akahkah cahaya hatimu redup saat Sang fajar mulai letih tuk menyinari bumi?
Deru ombak tak menggoyahkan karang cintaku, bagaimana denganmu?
Hembusan angin membawaku padamu, bagaimana denganmu?
Yang kuinginkan hanyu satu, dirimu dan cintamu.
...
So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning Now I’m here to stay Love can be so boring Nothing’s quite the same now I just say your name now Well its not so bad You’re only the best I ever had You don’t want me back You’re just the best I ever had So you stole my world Now I’m just a phoney Remembering the girl Leaves me down and lonely Send it in a...